Like Flowers, We Can Also Choose to Bloom

 

Let’s do what we love and do a lot of it.

-Marc Jacobs-

Somewhere down the line I have realized that loud is never strong and quiet is not always a sign of weakness. Take it from Stephen Hawking ” The quietest people have the loudest mind”.

Being the kind of person and introvert I am, if i had to put it in the millennial way my life was “not happening “. The best part about my life was that, it was a blank slate and I had complete liberty of filling it the way I wanted. Instead of being a follower of the ordinary I decided I’ll do what I think is best for me. If I felt that teaching wasn’t my cup of tea then I wouldn’t do it just to impress my loved ones. Because life comes at you fast and you have to make the most of it. During the process of standing up for myself and what I believe, life altogether was something else. I was coming to a greater realization that when curiosity pushes you to explore new things fear drags you down. Deep down I knew that the journey ahead was not gonna be easy….

What kept me going was that, i wanted my kids to look at me and say” If mom could do it, we definitely can do it better.” Why am I even sharing this?! It’s because everyone of us in life have two choices, one would be to do what people think is best for you and the other would be to do what you think is best for yourself. Standing at the crossroads, you have to decide what you’d do with your life. And this decision will show continuity to our future selves. Cuz ultimately it’s who we choose to become.

When you have the choice between the two, always choose the one that’ll nurture your personal growth. Do what sets your soul on fire, what will spark and ignite your passion. When you choose what you love to do, you ignite a passion and eventually discover your path.

If it doesn’t set your soul on fire 🔥 it’s not worth the burn.

-C Churchill-

Doing what you love and loving what you do has a subtle difference. By doing what you love, you learn to live rather than just exist. When your loving what you do, it’s doing something with discomfort and learning to love that discomfort. It’s living with the hope that one day you would love what you do. Which basically is going for a compromise with life. If your already doing that, (not really cool buddy you gotta mend your ways).

Takeaway…

Some people think that being doomed is okay.. it is NOT !! Don’t settle for something less. Always go with your passion. Don’t cultivate the mentality that lucky ones get away with doing what they love. Remember that you are not too far from being “that lucky one”.

Before you go…

Don’t forget to leave a comment and tell me how you felt about this post. I’m open to any suggestions. And your always free to contradict.😊

Article by: Shamla Nasir.

Shed Your Masks & Unveil Your True Self.

                  “Do they love you or the masks you put on everyday ? “

The many masks that we wear.

What happens when you discover what lies below the masks that our loved ones wear , or quite the contrary ? Bruised , Battered or Broken ?

Wanna get rid of the exhausting , inauthentic , wannabe type of life your living , more or less like an imposter.  SNAP!! ‘ Imposter ‘ reminded me of something significant. Psychology has it’s own term for masking personality known as ‘ Imposter syndrome’.  Yes !! you read the above bold italics right and it’s high time you diagnose it if u haven’t yet. If you want to get rid of the imposter that’s living inside of you, read on because this article is just what the doctor ordered.

Why do we wear masks ?

1. Fear of judgement : when we are afraid of judgmental eyes. That’s when we foster the fear every time we say a ‘yes’ when deep inside it has always been a ‘no’. we tend to nourish this fear by hiding who we really are . To avoid embarrassment we mask our personality and authentic self. Being fake and masking for how long ?!
   

   Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Dr. Seuss.
   

2. Emotional Detachment : when we fail to connect with our emotions , feelings and inner self. That’s when we mask our pain for joy , hatred for love , fear for bravery, insecurity for confidence or vice versa. Remember that our emotions want and need to be felt.Because the longer  we keep our emotions locked away , the more they struggle to get out. It is necessary to unleash our emotions and for once just let go.  Do not hesitate to show happiness, sadness, excitement, anger, frustration, helplessness and other feelings.
3.  Zero Self- Esteem :  That’s when ‘ believe in yourself ‘ is like mission impossible. And the fear of being unwanted, unattractive, or unworthy takes over and is too great to overcome. You don’t feel brave enough and you tend to believe that you weren’t blessed with the superman / superwoman kind of DNA. You think you aren’t that courageous to be the real you.

 How to get rid of our mask.

1. Release the need for acceptance : You have to realize that not everyone will agree with everything you do and your approach in life and people unhappy with it will judge you no matter what .That’s okay. It’s not about them. It’s about you and your life. Accept who you are and keep going and that’s your secret mantra you don’t have to look for a mask to hide.
   
2. Connect with yourself :  You are the owner of your life. If you are not connected with who you really are, you are probably just living your life for others. In order to connect with yourself you must know your values and beliefs , You must be capable of discovering your real purpose ,You should have a clear notion about your  visions, goals and dreams . Over all it’s a self awareness process.
3. Have self confidence : Get rid of self- limiting beliefs and let go of self – criticism. Believe you are much capable and don’t let a mask define your potential. unleash your superpower (authentic self ) that’s what the world desires to see.
4. Shame Resilience: Shame, embarrassment and awkwardness the stumbling blocks that’s holding you back from doing what you really want. Shame Resilience is a profound psychology theory which i think is the perfect solution when it comes to battling  issues  with regard to masking personality.
   

   What is Shame Resilience?

   Even though we can’t eliminate shame, we can become more resilient to it. Famous researcher and author Brene Brown calls this ‘shame resilience’ . And by resilience, she means :
   

   “That ability to recognize shame when we experience it, and move through it in a constructive way that allows us to maintain our authenticity and grow from our experiences.” -Brené Brown

Why we should take off our mask ?

1. It’s exhausting to live a life full of lies . An inauthentic life isn’t cool. Learn to live your truth.
   

   Wearing a mask wears you out. Faking it is fatiguing. The most exhausting activity is pretending to be what you know you aren’t. – Rick Warren

2. You will definitely lose your identity. You won’t know who you are anymore. To put it simply , you wouldn’t know which mask fits you best.
   

   You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it. – Alan Moore

3. Masking is a gateway to shallow relationships. When the mask slips your loved ones will gradually lose trust in you and to regain the lost trust it will cost your entire life.
   

   Nothing is more real than the masks we make to show each other who we are. – Christopher Barzak

What happens when you take off your mask ?

• That’s when you don’t have to fake through basic questions like how your doing.

              A : “How are you?”

             B: “ I’m Fine”  “It’s just not my day today dude..”

•  when connecting with your feelings is no longer a bother. You are bold and blunt about your emotions and have no issues  to confess that you are having a rough phase.
• It’s no more a big deal to breakdown or cry out loud in the open. That doesn’t make you weak anymore you understand that it only makes you more humane. you wear your scars with pride because you will gradually realize that your scar is your identity of survival.

Find the Flinch , Cut to the Chase and Weather the Storm . Do whatever it takes you to but don’t opt to spend all your life cowering under a mask. The inauthenticity is going to haunt you constantly.

Put your thinking caps on !!

And the million dollar question is : Are you planning to meet the world with a mask of a person you are not ?

 

Article By : Shamla Nasir .

Invade the deep depths of your dark darkness : ‘The shadow self ‘.

We all have deep dark secrets , deep dark eye circles , deep dark thoughts and have even eaten deep dark chocolate cakes. But what exactly is this deep dark darkness ? It’s not a tongue twister for sure nor am i bemusing you with random alliterative plosives.Take my word for it. It’s above and  beyond the ordinary . Confused already ? Then perhaps you should read on to dispel your confusion.

The Shadow Self ( Inner Darkness ) .

Our shadow self is the darker side of our psyche. why darker side ? We call it the darker side or inner darkness because  it’s the unknown side of our personality , which is yet to be explored ‘The Dark Side’. Whatever we consider evil, inferior or unacceptable becomes a part of the shadow. Ever pondered on inner critics ?? Your critical inner voice comes from your shadow self.Have you ever puzzled over your inferiority complex ?? which too comes from your shadow self . All unrealistic and superficial feelings that are evoked  from deep within is what we consider as Inner Darkness / Shadow Self.

These Negative vibes gradually take over our lives and become a part of our personality which we classify as  ‘Sub Personality ‘.
All the intellectual TED TALKS on sub personality traits / disorder finally making little sense now ?

Let’s relate to few situations on ‘sub personality’ concept so you’ll have a tight grip to hold on (that will hopefully last long) as we dig deep on the subject.

Ever had the privilege to experience these super cool  ‘ Why did i do this ? ‘ moments in life ?

• “I was not myself”, “sorry, Something in me just went crazy“
• ” I wanted to continue working hard ,  but something in me choose to give up” .

Blame your ‘Sub personality’ for all the embarrassment.Because during these situations it was our shadow self that reacted. Thinking how come ? Mmmmm… let me explain the teeny weeny theory behind that “how come ? ” you are having in mind right now.

Our shadow self often has an energy that’s relative to that of  our ego. when this energy level increases and generates more energy than our ego,  Boom Boom !! It erupts  (more or less like a mini volcanic eruption)  because it no longer can handle the pressure. So when the energy is released it over flows and this energy reacts to the situation life offers  and you become a victim of the “why did i do this ? ” moments.

“Your ‘shadow’ is nothing more than the part of you that is unconscious and therefore hidden from your awareness. The unconscious is filled with all kinds of things that you have judged as ‘unacceptable’ about you. And shadow work is nothing more than the art of making the unconscious, conscious and the unacceptable, acceptable. “

                                                                                  _ Teal Swan _

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What is ‘Darkness’ to you ?

‘DARKNESS’ what comes into your mind first : Monsters ? Devils ? Vampires ? Demons ? Werewolves? Beasts ? Witches and Wizards ? Shape Shifting Snakes ? and the list goes on and on….Goosebumps already ??  But I’m afraid they are the frequently used interpretations for Dark themes. Let’s put Fantasy aside and get into (some real business) Reality.

What if we make peace with our darkness ? WHAT IF ? What would life be if we had the courage to embrace our darkness? Will that make us Dauntless ? (Fearless) Let’s see.

How to embrace your shadow self ?

Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.

                                              _ Carl Jung _

1. Confront your Inner Monster / Darkness. Stand up and muster some courage to face your shadow self .Fear is your deserving culprit here. Your biggest enemy is your fear. Embrace your fear and you will gradually invade your darkness. How can you completely and whole heartedly accept your self if there are sides of yourself your terrified to explore ?
2. Our Shadow self is a wounded , sad, depressed, frustrated and isolated part that we as human beings tend to ignore.. we over look .Stop over looking your inner darkness and start to accept it ; accept your flaws. Only if you accept your inner darkness you can make peace with it. Because if you are not ready to accept your shadow self how can you embrace it ?
3. Learn to love your shadow. Learn to love your inner monster !! I know this is insane and downright comical , to shower love on the despised quarter of your being is crazy. But trust me this does wonders. If you don’t love your negative side how can you even step into your darkness and start exploring ? In order to tame your inner monster first you need to love it. Just like a pet Dog , You need to love the fellow in order to discipline , train  and maintain  healthy relationships with it. when you try to be harsh with it, it’s surely not going to listen to you.Use the same formula with your inner monster.
4. Tame your inner Monster / Darkness. In order to drown your inner monster you have to feed positivity. Think Positive and gradually your positive vibes will drown your negative vibes ( Sub personality ).  You need to follow the  PTP formula:  Patience , Time and Practice is all you need in this endeavor.

The hidden power of your dark side .

Powers ? Yes , you read that bit right. Back to Fantasy. Just like the Monsters, Vampires , Demons and Witches possess super natural powers , Your Inner Darkness too possesses the very same. Wow !! Now isn’t that mind blowing ? To own powers ?

Your Inner Darkness or Shadow Self holds  the power of CREATIVITY. That’s like a cave full of treasure to me. Creativity is an Art and that’s invaluable.

“Our shadows hold the essence of who we are. They hold our most treasured gifts. By facing these aspects of ourselves, we become free to experience our glorious totality: the good and the bad, dark and the light.”

_ Debbie Ford _

 

Thinking how come the bearer of negative vibes (shadow self) help unlock your ‘creativity’ ?

In order to step in and invade your inner darkness you surely need ‘ways in‘ and ‘ways out’.

Just like a maze; In order to solve your Maze you need creative ‘ways in’ and ‘ways out’.The theory is more or less the same ‘Maze Theory’.  To battle with your inner monster you need to think of an effective plan to confront the Monster (your way in) similarly after confrontation you have to get away from your monster (your way out) for that you got to think of a pro level tactic. So there’s a lot of thinking , analyzing, visualizing , exploring going on , And aren’t they qualities of creativity ?

Your answer for that is evidently a ‘YES !! ‘

Agree on the disagree .

‘Goodness triumphs over Evil !! ‘ . We can’t escape the truth  . Agree on this wordly wise? Work on your positives and gradually it will drain your negatives ; When you learn to love, care , share , help ,trust and believe, your hatred, fear, sorrow , anxiety, frustration , anger, ego , and  jealousy will disappear into the ether . Your positive energy will eclipse your shadow self and the Darkness within will gradually subside.

“Until we have met the monsters in ourselves, we keep trying to slay them in the outer world. And we find that we cannot. For all darkness in the world stems from darkness in the heart. And it is there that we must do our work.”

_ Marianne Williamson  _

 

Article By : Shamla Nasir.

Why crave for puppet master’s approval when you can listen to your authentic voice?

Who actually are your puppet masters?

A Puppet master is an individual or group of people who tend to manipulate your thoughts. Their opinion matters so much to you that they are essentially running your life, oh wait… what did i just say? ‘running’?  Now that’s an understatement ‘ruining’ will just be perfect. …..they are essentially ruining your life.

Your puppet master can be anyone maybe a person you look up to / person you hold high regards. But what if your puppet master is not an individual but it’s the society itself?? What do you do then?  Will you continue to live as a prisoner of the society or move out and live your life by your own standards?  Hmmm…  Now that’s tricky. Feeling Hemmed – in?  If so this is a MUST READ ARTICLE.

How do we know whether we are under the influence of a puppet master ?

1. Your entire decision making process depending on a particular person / group of people (Puppet masters).
2. Concerned on constantly being in the good books of that particular person / group of people (Puppet masters).
3. Spending additional time rethinking your actions.
4. You might also be prone to decision paralysis, resulting from too many options to choose from.
5.  

   Do the above symptoms indicate that you’re under the influence of a puppet master?

   I’m afraid yes!!

 

“The greatest prison people live in , is the fear of what other people think “.

_ David Lcke _

Thought provoking questions to get you pondering:

• Why else would you try out an outfit four times and still not sure what to wear before going out?
• Why do you feel that it’s a must do ritual to wear a clean shaven look before you be a part of any official meetings or family celebration?

Answer :

You crave for the approval of your puppet Master.

Things to quit :

• If I try really hard i can please everyone.
• Everyone is talking about me and my life; tongues are gonna wag if i do something weird.
• Being disapproved / looked down leaves behind great impacts in my life.
• Judgy people do matter… I don’t wanna be judged wrong.
• I need to be in everyone’s good books.

If you’re thinking in these lines. Then you seriously have to refashion your thinking style champ!!

How do you free yourself from the clutches of the so called ‘Puppet Masters’ ?

Now that you are aware your thoughts are being manipulated and you are under the influence of a puppet master. You surely need help. But how?  Thinking whether the part about ‘Authentic voice ‘ mentioned in the title gonna help? Mmmm…..  if you’re thinking that way, you’re absolutely right!!!

Now that you’re under the influence of the ’Manipulation Serum’ your only available antidote is your ‘Authentic voice’.

What is Authentic Voice and how will this help ?

Our authentic voice is that wee small voice that resides deep within us. It’s more or less like our moral / inner voice that judges our behaviour. It’s that part of the unconscious mind that acts as a conscience and constantly keeps on motivating awareness of ethical responsibility within us. In a nutshell that’s where the genius in us resides. We have to reclaim that genius in us.

Being said that our puppet masters have  entire control over our decision making process as they constantly keep on pulling and adjusting  strings of our decision support system, we gradually loose our opinions and our moral voice gets foggy.  Now it’s high time we re-launch that moral voice that is buried deep within us. This requires some serious reflection, where you got to sift through the web of other people’s thoughts and figure out who the real you actually are. Phewwww!! Now that’s serious work. This doesn’t sound that hard but it is. You got to gradually pull apart those strings and get the controller in hand, the controller of your decision support system. Your authentic  / moral / inner voice will act as your controller here.

When and how should I listen to my Authentic Voice ?

When it comes to the most personal questions of your life and when you are dragged towards crucial decision making situations. DO NOT look to others for answers. This is where your authentic voice plays its vital role. Don’t be that blind follower of the society and people around you. Get rid of that “Blind Follower Cloak”!! And start listening to your inner voice. It’s alright to step aside from the crowd and stand alone, because you’re doing this for yourself; your well-being.

Firstly you have to examine yourself in order to get to know your authentic voice. Be honest with your likes and dislikes. It’s more or less like the “soul searching process “or “finding yourself”. Most important tip I’d offer in your soul searching mission is to immerse yourself in solitude. Everyone needs some time alone whether you are an introvert or extrovert there is no rule as such that only introverts should dwell in solitude that’s a lame thought.

Give yourself some time and space to get away from people and spend some time alone; with yourself. In order to get to know yourself better you need some time alone. When you dwell in solitude it helps you learn about yourself (and whether you actually like yourself), it clears your mind and guides you through tough decisions.

Because solitude lets you think!!

   “One can be instructed in society,
One is inspired only in solitude.”

_  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe _

By doing so you will gradually get to know yourself better and this will in turn help you find your inner voice (Authentic Voice).

Secondly start being yourself; be the person you were meant to be. This is something beyond reflection – it takes some courage, to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you someone else. You got to muster that courage.

Be yourself and don’t worry about what other people might think. Feel free to live your life in your own standards because if not now when? Judgy people will always be judgy!  you’re being judged no matter what. So be who you want to be.

What society thinks of you should not hold you back from being the awesome you. Don’t lose yourself in trying to be everything to everyone. Because once you lose your identity you tend to build it on the approval of others and that’s where you lose touch with your authentic voice and trust me that’s really not cool.

 “People pleasing hides the real you !! “

I agree that making this shift is not easy. However, at the same time I’m convinced that this change is possible and indeed necessary.

Your authentic voice has been given for a purpose and it’s your job to make sure it fulfills its purpose of existence.

Article By : Shamla Nasir.